I'm Back
Maybe. I might be back. It's been a week. I'm sorry.
Looking on the bright side, I got a lot done during this week. It seems that the internet could be a big great big timekiller. Now I need to test the hyperthesis. Subject it to the old sciencifitic methodologia. Yeah. And then I can call it a theoryem, provided that it meets and/or exceeds all of the exceedingly difficult requirements that I provide it, excepting only the exceptions.
I learned that in physics.
I also learned in physics that nobody knows what gravity is. I thought that was stupid. I always thought that gravity was the stuff that held you to the earth. Like invisible gluey pandimensional flypaper or something. Apparently that sort of thinking gets laughed at by physicistas, even those of the schoolteacher variety. Apparently as well apparently nobody believes anything unless they know what sort of glue is on that old flypaper and whether it was made from my exgirlfriend's exhorse's teeths and hoofs, and whether the paper is onehundredpercent postconsumer recycled, with or without bleach?
I said,
-tell that to Newton.
Because he figured out that gravity was flypaper when an apple fell on his head.
The glue back in those postrenaissance preenlightenment days wasn't like the glue that we have today. Sometimes the glue didn't glue. And sometimes the glue glued, but then the glue came unglued like wallpaper glue used to do in hothot weather and sometimes the glue was just too damn superkrazygluey and apples and things like Yucatan meteors fell out of the sky.
We don't have to worry about Yucatan meteors anymore.
We have reverseglue these days.
We call them magnets, and when you turn a magnet around, it pushes things away.
I learned that in physics too.
Whenever somebody tells me that they wish that they lived back in the day because everything was so much less complicated, I tell them about the glue. A glue that only works right someofthetimes and otherofthetimes it attracts planetkilling meteors doesn't sound very uncomplicated to me. And then they shut the fuck up.
Looking on the bright side, I got a lot done during this week. It seems that the internet could be a big great big timekiller. Now I need to test the hyperthesis. Subject it to the old sciencifitic methodologia. Yeah. And then I can call it a theoryem, provided that it meets and/or exceeds all of the exceedingly difficult requirements that I provide it, excepting only the exceptions.
I learned that in physics.
I also learned in physics that nobody knows what gravity is. I thought that was stupid. I always thought that gravity was the stuff that held you to the earth. Like invisible gluey pandimensional flypaper or something. Apparently that sort of thinking gets laughed at by physicistas, even those of the schoolteacher variety. Apparently as well apparently nobody believes anything unless they know what sort of glue is on that old flypaper and whether it was made from my exgirlfriend's exhorse's teeths and hoofs, and whether the paper is onehundredpercent postconsumer recycled, with or without bleach?
I said,
-tell that to Newton.
Because he figured out that gravity was flypaper when an apple fell on his head.
The glue back in those postrenaissance preenlightenment days wasn't like the glue that we have today. Sometimes the glue didn't glue. And sometimes the glue glued, but then the glue came unglued like wallpaper glue used to do in hothot weather and sometimes the glue was just too damn superkrazygluey and apples and things like Yucatan meteors fell out of the sky.
We don't have to worry about Yucatan meteors anymore.
We have reverseglue these days.
We call them magnets, and when you turn a magnet around, it pushes things away.
I learned that in physics too.
Whenever somebody tells me that they wish that they lived back in the day because everything was so much less complicated, I tell them about the glue. A glue that only works right someofthetimes and otherofthetimes it attracts planetkilling meteors doesn't sound very uncomplicated to me. And then they shut the fuck up.
posted by The Vicar at 12:52 AM
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