OMFG!!1! The Sky is Falling!
Just call us all Chicken Little.
Lately I've been reading Robert Archambeau's blog. Good stuff. Particularly the discussion on Kellogg's coordinate model of poetics, which is a simple x and y-axis grid, like we all learned to hate in algebra. But I got to thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought, does poetry really need another attempt at categorization? Of course not. What DOES need a coordinate system of classification, however, is the end of the world. That's right, I'm talking about the apocalypse, baby.
What am I talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about. Take that x and y-axis. On the x-axis (that's the horizontal, for those of you still traumatized by and repressing memories of high-school), in the negative, you've got the liberals who think that the world's going to end because Bush won't sign Kyoto, and because Americans are a bunch of Imperialistic assholes who deserve whatever they get, which they are gonna get, because that's what happens to assholes and Imperialists, just look at Rome and Colonial Britain. Besides which, the Bush crowd are a bunch of fascist warmongers, and fascist warmongers eventually get taken down a notch (See World War II for details). Note that I chose the negatives for the liberals because the negatives just so happen to correspond with the left side, and why break with tradition? And then in the positives, you've got those who think that the watermelons, or rather, those people that are green on the outside but red on the inside, are the root cause of western society's ills. And the watermelons (also known as communists, for those people who still haven't understood the reference) are just aching to take away everybody's freedoms and guns, and let all the immigrants in to take away their jobs too. And that'll doom America. And as America goes, so goes the world, because we're that important. So it'll be the end of the world.
I call the x-axis the political axis.
Then we have the y-axis. Positive numbers on top, of course. Here, in the positive, we've got those spiritual sorts of people who think that the world's going to end through supernatural means. Either God's pissed off at all the degenerates running around (see, for examples, the explosive growth in the porn industry, and the murder of all the innocent babies through abortion, and the rising rape rate, etc.) or aliens or critters from another dimension are going to evolve everybody into the next-higher plane of existence. And the negative numbers are those who think that it won't be supernatural, but natural, because everybody can see that the global climate's changing and the icecaps are melting and goddammit we're all gonna drown! Or if we don't drown, the planet'll get so hot that life won't be capable of being sustained. Or the sea current'll change direction and we'll have another ice age, and then won't we be in a pickle? Not to mention the magnetic field which keeps wobbling and threatening to reverse polarity, which might be cool if one morning we all woke up and the toilets flushed the other direction and compasses pointed south, but all the killer earthquakes which will kill everybody first certainly might put a damper on that, and aren't we about a hundred thousand years overdue for it right now? Don't forget those supervolcanos, like the one in Yellowstone, that if it goes off will bury everybody in the continental United States under two-dozen feet of ash. Aren't we overdue for that one as well? Or a planet-killing meteor. Like the one that made the Yucatan, only bigger.
I call the y-axis the metanatural axis.
Hey, for those people in the middle, I haven't forgotten about you. I know it's awfully fashionable to call yourself a moderate these days. So the middle, the 0,0 point, that's where sit all the people that don't know what the hell's happening, all they know is that some bad shit's coming. And really, don't we all? I read somewhere about Teddy Kennedy saying much the same thing, how he's glad he's as old as he is because it's all going to fall apart and he doesn't want to be around to see it. Christ I wish I could remember where I read that. Oh well. Hearsay, hearsay, horsemouth says as horsemouth does.
Between the political and metanatural aspects of the end of all times, or at least this time, which the Mayans say will happen on December something 2012, I think we have all of the bases covered. If I missed something, let me know. I'd hate to say that I hurt somebody's feelings by leaving them out.
And for everybody (and I really do mean everybody. All the wonderful and great and not so great people alive today) who ever gets those shivers up their spines, here's one to remember:
"I wanna have my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames." -Jim Morrison
ps - Who better to look to for guidance, who better to emulate and teach our children (provided we have any children or provided our children grow old enough) to emulate, than James "I am the Lizard King, I can do anything" Douglas "I'll always be a wordman, better than a birdman" Morrison?
pps - I stole the picture. It's not mine. Anybody who bothered to actually follow the link I posted would know that.
Lately I've been reading Robert Archambeau's blog. Good stuff. Particularly the discussion on Kellogg's coordinate model of poetics, which is a simple x and y-axis grid, like we all learned to hate in algebra. But I got to thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought, does poetry really need another attempt at categorization? Of course not. What DOES need a coordinate system of classification, however, is the end of the world. That's right, I'm talking about the apocalypse, baby.
What am I talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about. Take that x and y-axis. On the x-axis (that's the horizontal, for those of you still traumatized by and repressing memories of high-school), in the negative, you've got the liberals who think that the world's going to end because Bush won't sign Kyoto, and because Americans are a bunch of Imperialistic assholes who deserve whatever they get, which they are gonna get, because that's what happens to assholes and Imperialists, just look at Rome and Colonial Britain. Besides which, the Bush crowd are a bunch of fascist warmongers, and fascist warmongers eventually get taken down a notch (See World War II for details). Note that I chose the negatives for the liberals because the negatives just so happen to correspond with the left side, and why break with tradition? And then in the positives, you've got those who think that the watermelons, or rather, those people that are green on the outside but red on the inside, are the root cause of western society's ills. And the watermelons (also known as communists, for those people who still haven't understood the reference) are just aching to take away everybody's freedoms and guns, and let all the immigrants in to take away their jobs too. And that'll doom America. And as America goes, so goes the world, because we're that important. So it'll be the end of the world.
I call the x-axis the political axis.
Then we have the y-axis. Positive numbers on top, of course. Here, in the positive, we've got those spiritual sorts of people who think that the world's going to end through supernatural means. Either God's pissed off at all the degenerates running around (see, for examples, the explosive growth in the porn industry, and the murder of all the innocent babies through abortion, and the rising rape rate, etc.) or aliens or critters from another dimension are going to evolve everybody into the next-higher plane of existence. And the negative numbers are those who think that it won't be supernatural, but natural, because everybody can see that the global climate's changing and the icecaps are melting and goddammit we're all gonna drown! Or if we don't drown, the planet'll get so hot that life won't be capable of being sustained. Or the sea current'll change direction and we'll have another ice age, and then won't we be in a pickle? Not to mention the magnetic field which keeps wobbling and threatening to reverse polarity, which might be cool if one morning we all woke up and the toilets flushed the other direction and compasses pointed south, but all the killer earthquakes which will kill everybody first certainly might put a damper on that, and aren't we about a hundred thousand years overdue for it right now? Don't forget those supervolcanos, like the one in Yellowstone, that if it goes off will bury everybody in the continental United States under two-dozen feet of ash. Aren't we overdue for that one as well? Or a planet-killing meteor. Like the one that made the Yucatan, only bigger.
I call the y-axis the metanatural axis.
Hey, for those people in the middle, I haven't forgotten about you. I know it's awfully fashionable to call yourself a moderate these days. So the middle, the 0,0 point, that's where sit all the people that don't know what the hell's happening, all they know is that some bad shit's coming. And really, don't we all? I read somewhere about Teddy Kennedy saying much the same thing, how he's glad he's as old as he is because it's all going to fall apart and he doesn't want to be around to see it. Christ I wish I could remember where I read that. Oh well. Hearsay, hearsay, horsemouth says as horsemouth does.
Between the political and metanatural aspects of the end of all times, or at least this time, which the Mayans say will happen on December something 2012, I think we have all of the bases covered. If I missed something, let me know. I'd hate to say that I hurt somebody's feelings by leaving them out.
And for everybody (and I really do mean everybody. All the wonderful and great and not so great people alive today) who ever gets those shivers up their spines, here's one to remember:
"I wanna have my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames." -Jim Morrison
ps - Who better to look to for guidance, who better to emulate and teach our children (provided we have any children or provided our children grow old enough) to emulate, than James "I am the Lizard King, I can do anything" Douglas "I'll always be a wordman, better than a birdman" Morrison?
pps - I stole the picture. It's not mine. Anybody who bothered to actually follow the link I posted would know that.
posted by The Vicar at 4:50 AM
1 Comments:
Wow.
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